At the outset of this article, I apologise to any sentiments that get hurt in the due course of this writeup. My intention here is just to question the current state of society. No offences intended to any person in particular. You may come across a lot of intriguing and self doubt questions. Please do reach out if the thought lingers and you find it hard to accept.
Recently, my mother and I got a weekend off from our daily schedules. We thought to spend it together watching a good movie. After browsing for a while, we came across a new release of Bollywood. It has promising actors. IMDB also claimed it to be a good watch. We started watching. With our popcorn tubs handy, we both were excited for the movie since it was after two to three months that my mom and me got an evening for ourselves.
The movie started. Within first few minutes into the story, I understood that the genre is around LGBTQIA+. I turned to my mom for her reaction. She seemed uncomfortable. I waited for half an hour to let her sync into the genre and flow of movie. But to my dismay, she was "not understanding as to how a guy can like a guy or how a girl can like a girl". I paused the movie and briefed her about what, how and why of LGBTQIA+ community. My hope was not that instantly she would accept such a "digression" from the so called 'normal' community, but, I hoped, that she will be open to hearing. And she was. We resumed the movie. After sometime, I noticed that the flow of the movie was slow, hence, both of us were feeling sleepy. We paused the movie and called it a night.
Next morning, mom told me that she is not comfortable watching the movie due to its genre. I understood that the problem is somewhere not about the issue, its about the mindset, the acceptance, the choices and the generation gap. Our generation has actively taken strides in the direction for being more aware and more open. We have talked, we have debated, we have questioned, have been open minded. As per a research, almost 79 percentage of millennials spend at least 5 hours in a week talking about such social issues. We, at times have even raised our concerns vehemently. At times, succeeded, at times got ignored.
On contrast, the Gen X (generation of our parents) has always focused on arranging their daily needs. Internet to them, was a luxury. This is the reason as to which, their interest into developing awareness about such debatable concepts, has being minimal. Or should I say, they have been negligent/ ok in not knowing it? Is it that their generation operates with the mindset that "If I talk about it, means I accept it"? When I saw my mom not ok with the idea of LGBTQIA+, I promised myself that I will be receptive of gender orientation of my children. Its not that, I am homosexual, but, the question is, had I been, how would have my family and the society received it? Therefore, I want to give an open and fair ground to my children for everything.
The point of concern right now is that this exact generation gap has brought a multiplied gap into other factors. To them, information about any topic, meant books. To us, it means a click on internet. To them, eating outside, meant a family dinner at a hotel. To us, we like to spend time chilling in cafes hogging onto multi cuisine food. Let's talk about communication. They had telephones and letters? What all we have? Social media platforms, internet, mails, DMs, in addition to the "old school" letters and telephones. Is our generation spoilt because of multiple choices? Or are our choices imposed on us by our parents? Is it that, since they are unaware, hence, they want us to choose from things that are ok with them? I have heard a lot of parents not ok with their kids being on Facebook and Instagram. When asked, these parents say, " its because we don't know what our kids do on such websites"....So, because a parent is unaware, means the child should not be allowed on these platforms? Should not That raises the question - Are our choices really ours? Or, are they, a culmination of the wishes of our parents (and the society)?
Our generation is vocal about their choices. But, from this very same generation, I see a man, unable to marry outside his religion, because his parents don't agree. I see a girl, unable to voice her sexual orientation, because, her parents won't accept. I see another female, keeping up with her abusive husband, since her parents refused from accepting her if divorced. I see a mother, in her late 50s, tackling a mentally assaulting husband, because, if she gives up, her children will learn the same and won't commit to their respective wedlock. I even see a husband not confronting his dominating wife because, she is popular and no one will listen to him. Are these incidents outcomes of our own choices or are they outcomes of the societal pressure? Are not they driven from "what should be", "how it should be", "how one should be", "what will happen if I take a stringent step"....? And then comes the question - Who defines this "should be-s"?
Aren't these definitions of should be-s defined by us? The society? Are not these somewhat driven by the movie culture? Our movies and series have set in wrong expectations and glorified images of life. They have given us benchmarks and goals. Each slightest of the moment, is glorified by our films. Death of a family member - every one from the family must be there. If everyone is not there, does it mean that the person did not die? A marriage - all the friends from school, college, office, must be there, decked up in their most fanciest clothes. If they are not available, does it mean that marriage should not be solemnized? Separation - Ever heard of breakup parties? The concept of pre wedding shoots, post wedding shoots, pre natal shoots, post natal shoots, all this came from where? They came from these glamorous movies and series. A slight deviation from any of these "should be-s" and we spark off on the rally saying "this is not how it should be...this is how it should be....."
If these should be-s are defined by us, then, why do we still fail to have our own choices? If we ourselves are setting the exam papers, then why are we failing at it too? Sounds strange? But this is what is happening right now. We are making choices because we want to keep the society happy and we want to keep our parents happy. Ever heard of people not marrying / marrying a wrong person because, their parents did not give agreement to marry the person of their choice? Or heard of mothers seeping deep into depression because they were pressurized to give male child to the family, but they could not. Or heard about a person being low on confidence because he/ she does not meet the beauty standards of the society? Lets take example from LGBTQIA community, how many of Indians have successfully and timely came out of the closet even after the legalizing of this concept? Barely few. Because others have been either rejected by families, or rejected by their society.
On the contrary, I have seen a lot of people succeed immensely in their lives because their near and dear ones have supported them without fail. Pick up any story of any big shot business tycoon, or some motivational sportsperson or even some celebrity who made it big by starting from scratch, all of them, will first and foremost thank their families/ loved ones for their entire success. What does this tell us? That our families/ loved ones are the ones who, if want to, can place us next to the stars. But then, when do these families become the torchbearers of destruction? Just when we don't meet their expectations. Or just when we make choices which are not in alignment with their choices.
So the question now is, Is the society really the one to be blamed? If not, who should be questioned for our choices? Who are the ones who draw their support, the moment we go against their choices? Are not they bound with life long commitment of support to us, just like, we are committed for them?
With that intriguing question, I would like to sign off for this article. Apologies that if you read it till here, and got hurt because of some examples used or statements made. But, as a socially active citizen, I feel its my right and duty to pose such questions.
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